Saturday’s here, and it’s been one of relaxation. My partner and roomie are out doing an overnight with friends, so it feels as if I have a mini-vacation in our apartment. Kinda. I mean, I still have to deal with my brain telling me to do the dishes, finish the bookshelves, put the books in order, organized the kitchen, clean up my office, and probably a hundred and one other things. I don’t do well with relaxation, which is a weird thing because I don’t get my energy from being around people either.
I used to be an extrovert. I was the one dragging my partner out of the house to do things and see people. Amusingly enough, he’s the one doing that now, and I need to be bribed with fish & chips to head into society. He and my roomie call me in introvert; on the flip side, when I’m out and being social, if I mention I’m an introvert I get incredulous looks and laughter.
As with most things in life, I think I’m firmly in the middle. I use both hands for eating and sports. My hair is waist-long on my left side and buzzed on the right. I could go on with more aspects of me that are either split down the middle or are two different halves combined into a whole, but I think you get my point. Anyhow, I went to look up if there’s anything between introvert and extrovert, and I found ambivert. Also known as a social introvert, an outgoing introvert, or an antisocial extrovert (the antisocial might be good to embrace with life deciding to play Pandemic! in real time). I can be extroverted in public – sometimes I can get energy from that, and at other times I have to drag myself home. It also depends on people. As I get older, I don’t want to hang out with people I don’t enjoy being with (thankfully that’s rare).
It also fits with hedgehogs, at least linguistically in Japanese since their name is harinezumi, or needle mouse. (I love that name!) Hell, the word itself is a combination of two things, hedge and hog (unlike, say, rabbit, cat, dog, and many other animals).
Back to the point of relaxation; I only feel relaxed when I’ve done work and gotten things done. Being my #ApocalypticallyOptimistic self, the good thing about this is that I’ll never run out of things to do. There’s always the multiplying laundry and dishes even if I finish the one time projects of shelves and organization. The bad thing, though, is that it makes me feel that if I’m not being useful, not making progress on something, then I’m useless (which is not true).
There’s a song by Jim’s Big Ego that I feel describes me with dotted “i”s and crossed “t”s. Stress has the lyrics:
- I’m addicted to stress, that’s the way that I get things done,
- If I’m not under pressure then I sleep too long,
- And I hang around like a bum,
- I think I’m goin’ nowhere and that makes me nervous.
I guess that makes me a hedgehog on a wheel!